Worst Job in the World: Dream On

There’s almost nothing less interesting to me than hearing someone talk about his or her dreams. Aside from listening to them read their tax return, or analyze their playoff draft picks, which are… nope; I’d prefer to hear them talk about those things before struggling to stay awake as they attempt to describe their “crazy” dream. That’s why being a therapist who specializes in dream interpretation in clinical psychology has got to be one of the worst jobs in the world.

Don’t get me wrong- dreams are FASCINATING! Mine. I find it mind-boggling what the mind boggles when one is in REM sleep. It makes sense for people to study dreams in order to pretend to understand what they mean. They won’t. Ever. That’s why they should be paid handsomely to do this job, which, in terms of tinfoil chewing agony, is one of the worst jobs in the world. Dream shrinks are the only ones to whom you should explain your unconscious thoughts. For everyone else, myself included, your dreams: a) don’t make sense; b) are not nearly as interesting for others to hear you explain as you think; and c) are not at all interesting to others. That’s why we’ve invented the profession of clinical psychologist. We know they’ll never actually be able to explain what dreams mean. Their job is simply to listen to you, so the rest of us don’t have to.

But, most people don’t take advantage of this clever human resources strategy we’ve designed for societal sanity. Thankfully, your brain is smarter than you. There’s this clever trick it plays whereby as soon as you start to describe out loud a dream you had to someone else, you immediately start to forget it. The astonishing, bizarre details begin to disintegrate at the very moment the words are being formed in your mouth. This is a defense mechanism to save you from blathering on at a dinner party and losing friends. Unfortunately, if you have one of the worst jobs in the world as a dream interpreter, you’re going to have to listen, ask questions and then make some sh*t up.

I do like dreams, dreaming and dreamers. So, coming up, I’ll tell you the number one most impressive fact you might not know about dreams.

But first, three dream-related questions:

In the 2010 movie, Inception, (in which Leonardo DiCaprio plays a thief who steals corporate secrets from sleeping minds), the song used to wake everyone up from their “dreaming state” is, “No, Je Ne Regrette Rien” (No, I regret nothing), performed by what singer?

The song, “Dream Weaver”, by Gary Wright was used in Wayne’s World the movie when Wayne sees Cassandra for the first time in a bar, as well as on SNL when Wayne imagines himself winning the affection of this player’s wife, after being victorious in a street hockey game against what NHL legend?

The common definition of the phenomenon known as “Somniloquy”- meaning a “motor breakthrough” in which the words you’re saying in a dream become spoken out loud- is also the song title of the biggest hit for what band?

According to WebMD, the number one most impressive fact you might not know about dreams is that Harvard Medical School researchers found that when the brain dreams, it helps you learn and solve problems. Dreams are the brain’s way to process, integrate and understand new information. So, you want to increase the length and quality of your dreams, which means… more sleep.

It gives me great pleasure to invite you now to take a nap.

Message me your guesses on the dream-related questions and play my LIVE online Twitter game for your chance to win cash, (Tues. 9PM ET/6PM PT). Hint: the questions above just might be hints.

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