Translating “Teen” To English: “Go Away”

You might assume, as I once did, that the only people who are in the need of a little “ME” time now and again are people (grownups) who otherwise get very little. As a parent, I have come to learn- not so much actually. Apparently, even people who have seemingly vast quantities of undisturbed solitude, (teenagers), feel it is their basic human right to have, yet, even more. Of course, these people (teenagers) argue that they don’t, in fact, have as much quality alone time as you (grownups) might think. They communicate to you that, in the context of their individual existence, this misunderstanding creates unnecessary, but easily remedied, confusion and animosity, (not the exact words of a teenager). The solution is for all involved, (grownup people and teenage people), to employ the same language when discussing the perceived inequities, even when the circumstances seem to vary dramatically.

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The UFC, Not Super Bowl, Makes The Man

I’ve had a few fights in my life. Literally. As in, “Few: not many, but more than one.” Three actually. Make that two and a half. The full-fledged fisticuffs were both in Grade 5. The half-clash was in 1st-year University, drunk on a bus. All 2.5 were with my best friends. Every year in the days leading up to the Super Bowl, I think of these fights. Not because of the gruelling battles that are fought on the NFL’s sacred stage between armour-clad, compression-shorts-wearing gridiron gladiators. But, instead, because it was after the Super Bowl XL broadcast in 2006 that I watched my first pay-per-view UFC event. It was fighting like I had never seen before, and, clearly, never came close to experiencing. I was a changed man.

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Funny Fam

There’s an unscientifically proven fact in the comedy business that the toughest crowds to perform stand-up in front of are “industry crowds”; more specifically- a room full of other comedians. There is, however, a small percentage of the comic population who thrive in this environment. They are known as “comic’s comics” and they are universally adored by their contemporaries. At the same time, because they’re often too “insider” or “alternative”, it’s not uncommon for them to struggle in front of “regular” crowds. But, of that small sub-set of the stand-up comic population as a whole, there’s an even smaller percentage of comic’s comics who are also hilarious in the eyes of mainstream audiences. Basically, out of every 10,000 comedians, there’s Louis C.K..

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Meter Maid Madness

Okay, hang on, before this goes sideways, let’s call it: Bylaw Officer Belligerency. Please don’t be offended by my use of “Meter Maid”, as that’s not the point of this post. I went “retro-insensitive” with the above heading because, while I was able to craft an alliterate ring with the correct job title, there’s no corresponding Beatles’ song to hum in my head. It’s only a coincidence that it was a woman who issued me the parking ticket I’ve been fighting in Vancouver since September (2015).

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Trivia night on Twitter returns January 26th!

Aaaaand, we’re back for more trivia fun! Join me on my Twitter (@adamgrowe) this Tuesday at 9PMEST for another exciting round of #agrowetrivia! Come one, come all, and test your skills to win a number of cash prizes! In addition to winning cash for answering the most questions correctly, I’ll also be giving away cash prizes for the most creative answers. And there’s even MORE ways to win! This is basically powerball lottery folks….with realistic odds.

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Time For An “Attitude Adjustment”

You’d likely get a visit from social services if you called in WWE’s John Cena to give your teenagers some instruction on how to put their attitudes in check. Then again, maybe if he were to just show up at the front door, and not actually deploy his signature wrestling move… Hmmm. If that wasn’t already a parenting strategy you had considered- you’re welcome.

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Donald Trump Does Not Give A Sh*t

Remember how pissed-off people were when it was revealed that Joaquin Phoenix wasn’t really giving it a go as a professional rap/hip hop artist in 2009? David Letterman was pretty ticked, even if he was known to be cantankerous by nature on his late night TV show on any given day. Well, I present to you my argument that the bid by Donald Trump for the GOP presidential nomination in the U.S. is also a prank of epic proportions.

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