The headline above is more provocative than, “Fund My Observational Humour”, in persuading you to sign an E-Petition to get stand-up comedy officially recognized as an art form. But, I should come clean- I “work clean”. That’s what we in the comedy business call it when a comic doesn’t swear, or perform vulgar material.
Since re-certifying in Standard First Aid/CPR last November and upgrading to begin my pathway to become a bona fide Instructor with The Canadian Red Cross, I’ve already put my “First-Aider” knowledge to work in TWO emergency situations! They weren’t in response to the ultimate disaster- a nuclear war- but it’s a start.
Thanks in advance for taking about one minute to answer the following survey questions:
- Do you own a vehicle?
- Do you personally enjoy using a vehicle?
- Aside from non-essential use, could you live without using a vehicle in exchange for $8,580 annually for the rest of your life?
I make mistakes. When I do, they give me the squirms. Even the smallest misstep haunts me. I may, at times, be too hard on myself. If you, on the other hand, have ever justified a lack of attention to detail with the phrase, “Hey, we’re not doing brain surgery here, relax!”, I want you to immediately stop reading this and put a staple in your tongue.
When I performed years ago in Los Angeles at CBS Television City, one of the most memorable moments of the experience for me was being within arm’s length of the big wheel from the “Price Is Right”! To get to the stage where I was going to be performing stand-up comedy, we had to walk past the backstage area where they stored TPIR sets and games. I was about to be entertaining a live U.S. audience of millions and I was more intrigued by the whereabouts of the “Plinko” board.
You may not have the same fascination with game shows as I, but you absolutely have an “Inner Game Show Host” and it’s something that you shouldn’t ignore.
When it comes to dogs, there are two things I have never been: a “dog person”, and shy about sharing my disdain for them and their owners. I know! It’s ridicule that is unfounded, uninformed and unfair. I’ve never owned a dog. But, it only takes one nippy, yappy, smelly, slobbery pooch to swell my ignorance. It also only takes the stench of one deviant un-scooped doggy swirl on the bottom of my shoe to radiate my fanatical furor into a sweeping criticism of all of their cult-like masters. That is, until I spent a month with Hunter. After even just a few days living with this Border Terrier, I discovered my inner dog person, and what I learned is crucial to your success at work and at home.
For the first time EVER, I had lunch with my father and my mother, just the three of us. READ what happened when my stepmom came home early.
Due to shocking new information from reliable sources, I have decided that it’s my civic duty to artificially inflate my social media numbers. You might find this disturbing: I am not getting certain gigs based solely on my lack of social media fans, subscribers, or followers. Trust me, I never expected to make any money as a social media star. But, I also never expected to lose money because of social media. So, I’m going to buy as many bots, trolls, hacks, fakes and posers I can afford. Because you’re worth it.
WARNING: this article contains explicit content that might jinx you. If you’re a superstitious person, read on with caution, or stop reading immediately. If you’re still reading at this point, you’re probably not that superstitious about bringing misfortune upon yourself, or others. Still reading even now? Well, not being superstitious in any way whatsoever might be an indication that you’re a sociopath.
I’ve never experienced a concussion from playing sports myself, but from what I understand, they feel something like having the flu with a hangover while seasick staring directly at the sun as Mike Tyson punches your brain.