Due to shocking new information from reliable sources, I have decided that it’s my civic duty to artificially inflate my social media numbers. You might find this disturbing: I am not getting certain gigs based solely on my lack of social media fans, subscribers, or followers. Trust me, I never expected to make any money as a social media star. But, I also never expected to lose money because of social media. So, I’m going to buy as many bots, trolls, hacks, fakes and posers I can afford. Because you’re worth it.