Since re-certifying in Standard First Aid/CPR last November and upgrading to begin my pathway to become a bona fide Instructor with The Canadian Red Cross, I’ve already put my “First-Aider” knowledge to work in TWO emergency situations! They weren’t in response to the ultimate disaster- a nuclear war- but it’s a start.
For the first time EVER, I had lunch with my father and my mother, just the three of us. READ what happened when my stepmom came home early.
Due to shocking new information from reliable sources, I have decided that it’s my civic duty to artificially inflate my social media numbers. You might find this disturbing: I am not getting certain gigs based solely on my lack of social media fans, subscribers, or followers. Trust me, I never expected to make any money as a social media star. But, I also never expected to lose money because of social media. So, I’m going to buy as many bots, trolls, hacks, fakes and posers I can afford. Because you’re worth it.
WARNING: this article contains explicit content that might jinx you. If you’re a superstitious person, read on with caution, or stop reading immediately. If you’re still reading at this point, you’re probably not that superstitious about bringing misfortune upon yourself, or others. Still reading even now? Well, not being superstitious in any way whatsoever might be an indication that you’re a sociopath.
I’ve never experienced a concussion from playing sports myself, but from what I understand, they feel something like having the flu with a hangover while seasick staring directly at the sun as Mike Tyson punches your brain.
It’s happened before and it will happen again: someone asks me, “You’re a comedian. Why do they even have ‘All-Girl’ comedy shows anyway?”. My knee-jerk response is, “why do you even care?”. But, I know better. My short answer is: because they enhance your experience of comedy, even if you never attend one. Since you asked, the longer answer is: the All-Female comedy show model is responsible for such things as the thriving Canadian music scene and could save television in this country. It’s not like there’s a lot of them happening in the first place, but they should be mandatory.
Recently I was prepping one of my trivia shows and I came across a “factoid” that I had jotted down years ago about an infamous moment for a celebrity singer. I started crafting a short question about the incident, but stopped myself and wondered- “why would I ask a question about this?”. Sometimes contemplative pauses like this are due to second thoughts I have about the informative and entertaining merit of the “factoid”. In this case, it was because I remembered a promise I made to myself to avoid being carelessly mean-spirited towards people when trying to be entertaining and informative. I call it being “Casually Nasty”, and I believe it’s a more serious problem than being intentionally nasty.
Bowie’s Death Makes Me Feel Like A Loser.
The reason I feel bad about myself could easily be because the multitude of David Bowie’s professional accomplishments are intimidating to an entertainment professional such as myself.
In terms of your chances of winning “the” lottery, you’re more likely to get struck by lightning, while drowning, after being attacked by a shark, in an above ground swimming pool, in Iceland. (Or something along those lines).
Comedy = Tragedy + Time / Cosby – Time
I think the math in the above equation comes out to zero. Which is my way of saying too much time has passed leading up to today’s charges against Bill Cosby. But, I’m not a mathematician. I’m a comedian.